My Portion

life without jumping,

Every time im thinking back that incident

after that fall which made a "POP" sound on my knee,

every time when i cant even catch up with my family and friends

when im walking (limping style)

or when i saw my friends could go sports,

i was envy and felt very depressed in the same time.

Because of the one decision i take

because of the one careless mistake i made

could affect my life forever,

with full of regrets and sorrows.

If im old now then i still ok with it

but im still 18 and i still have a whole life ahead of me.

Even worst im a girl who loves sports so much.

So thinking about it

i just cant imagine my life without sports.

My heart was devastated when knowing from the doctor

i have a partial ACL tear (anterior cruciate ligament) inside my knee which provides cushion.

I was grateful that at least i could still walk

but tearing a bit of my ACL has its risk of not able to run or do active sports which i loved

and worst i will have higher chance of having arthritis or degenerate ligament after 20 years or older

all because ligament cant heal its own ( thats the worst part) :(

Unless if i do my knee surgery by grafting my hamstring ligament

and attached it to my tear ligament

and do physio therapy continuously for 6 months.

I remember i was so depressed

so scared to face this reality.

I still remember the first few days after injured my knee,

it was like hell!

Cant even stand, need to use my butt to walk downstairs or upstairs,

having a hard time sleeping with my leg was stiff like stick which is painful

and even need to sit down when im taking a bath.

Even though i tell my family and friends im ok on the outside,

but inside

the pain on my knee was unbearable.

I cried alot and keep asking God

why.....why this has to happen to me!!

But still i wont because of this make me loose faith to God and will keep trusting HIM.

Also the auntie from the church service had told me and my friends

and she was right,

maybe God did this to me for a reason when bad things happens to you.

So guess what,

Im not going to be miserable for the rest of my life because of my sprain knee,

but instead

Im grateful for at least i can walk

and now im in a good process on healing my knee

from standing up till now i finally can walk downstairs

and could walk 70%,

all thanks to God

who had given me strength and endurance to continue live the life i should be.

Also i was grateful for my family and friends

who supports me when im in my darkest moment of my life.

Since after the accident till now,

i have train my quadraceps and hamstring muscle everyday

and stretch my leg to make my knee stronger

without doing physiotherapy

cause i believe i no need them as long as i exercise my knee consistently.

And for now i pray to God for an answer

whether i should do surgery or not?

Im very scared when surgery popped inside my mind

But if i really want to,

i will mostly do the surgery after i finish my college

and finish my holiday trip around January because this is the best time for me to rest, train and fully concentrate on my knee for 6 months with phisotherapy.

Its gona be hard year for me next year

but i will take the risk for the sake of running .

And mostly i will cut my hair short to start a new year of hardship for me ahead.

Hopefully i will be able to run again

when my 19 birthday arrived and start my new university life on August.

Hope God could guide me to the right path should i take

and made the right decision for me.

And lastly, YES KNEE CAN !