I just cant imagine my life without running,
life without jumping,
life without kicking stuff,
life without doing those active activities which i used to do
like having a game of frisbee and captain ball with my friends.
Every time im thinking back that incident
after that fall which made a "POP" sound on my knee,
every time when i cant even catch up with my family and friends
when im walking (limping style)
or when i saw my friends could go sports,
i was envy and felt very depressed in the same time.
Because of the one decision i take
because of the one careless mistake i made
could affect my life forever,
with full of regrets and sorrows.
If im old now then i still ok with it
but im still 18 and i still have a whole life ahead of me.
Even worst im a girl who loves sports so much.
So thinking about it
i just cant imagine my life without sports.
My heart was devastated when knowing from the doctor
i have a partial ACL tear (anterior cruciate ligament) inside my knee which provides cushion.
I was grateful that at least i could still walk
but tearing a bit of my ACL has its risk of not able to run or do active sports which i loved
and worst i will have higher chance of having arthritis or degenerate ligament after 20 years or older
all because ligament cant heal its own ( thats the worst part) :(
Unless if i do my knee surgery by grafting my hamstring ligament
and attached it to my tear ligament
and do physio therapy continuously for 6 months.
I remember i was so depressed
so scared to face this reality.
I still remember the first few days after injured my knee,
it was like hell!
Cant even stand, need to use my butt to walk downstairs or upstairs,
having a hard time sleeping with my leg was stiff like stick which is painful
and even need to sit down when im taking a bath.
It was the most painful experience in my life!
Even though i tell my family and friends im ok on the outside,
but inside
the pain on my knee was unbearable.
I cried alot and keep asking God
why.....why this has to happen to me!!
But still i wont because of this make me loose faith to God and will keep trusting HIM.
Also the auntie from the church service had told me and my friends
and she was right,
maybe God did this to me for a reason when bad things happens to you.
So guess what,
Im not going to be miserable for the rest of my life because of my sprain knee,
but instead
Im grateful for at least i can walk
and now im in a good process on healing my knee
from standing up till now i finally can walk downstairs
and could walk 70%,
all thanks to God
who had given me strength and endurance to continue live the life i should be.
Also i was grateful for my family and friends
who supports me when im in my darkest moment of my life.
Since after the accident till now,
i have train my quadraceps and hamstring muscle everyday
and stretch my leg to make my knee stronger
without doing physiotherapy
cause i believe i no need them as long as i exercise my knee consistently.
And for now i pray to God for an answer
whether i should do surgery or not?
Im very scared when surgery popped inside my mind
But if i really want to,
i will mostly do the surgery after i finish my college
and finish my holiday trip around January because this is the best time for me to rest, train and fully concentrate on my knee for 6 months with phisotherapy.
Its gona be hard year for me next year
but i will take the risk for the sake of running .
And mostly i will cut my hair short to start a new year of hardship for me ahead.
Hopefully i will be able to run again
when my 19 birthday arrived and start my new university life on August.
Hope God could guide me to the right path should i take
and made the right decision for me.
And lastly, YES KNEE CAN !
